Inconvienent Hampering

I have been grumpy. And most of it I can just blame on PMS or hormones or whatever, but a large part of it is that I feel inconvenienced. I really hate that.

It all comes down to the choices that we've made, or haven't made. And I do indeed feel like most of the time, we make the right choices. There's a reason, somewhere out there, that my husband needs to be away from me and my child for long periods of time. I won't know it until I get to look back on the period of time, but I'm sure it'll be there. I just can't seem to comfort myself with that fact though. Not yet.

The months after our daughter was born while he was away, was a time where I was needed at home with my parents. In specific, my mom needed me while she underwent multiple surgeries. And while that's a really shitty reason to be needed back home, it gave us time together that I wouldn't give up for the whole wide world. She's closer to my daughter than I could ever hope, and she taught me in those months how to be a better mother to my daughter.

In the next coming months I'll finish my degree in Colorado, I'll be needed if my mother does need yet another surgery, I'll be around family who, while they don't really need me.. Maybe they'll do better when I'm around.

But man, my head hurts.

It's so much different thinking about separation when you have a child who knows that their parent is gone.

How am I supposed to teach her strength and courage and resiliency except for by example? And while that's all good in theory, we haven't actually tried it out yet. (Enter tearful chuckle here)

I think, one of the best parts of being a parent, is getting to share it. And one of the saddest parts of the military, is how sharing is often hampered.