There's a house down the street, one where the lights can often be seen burning all through the night. There are two cars in the driveway, although you'll only see one ever move. A woman, relatively young is often seen entering and exiting this house. She juggles. She will juggle books, children, pets, grief, loneliness, work, family, friends, chores, daily ups and downs, ups and downs and down some more...
Juggling is a necessary skill in this neighborhood. And those that drop their balls are often called weak. And those that are weak, don't usually live here for long.
Eyes can stay shadowed for months, dogs may bark when a twig is blown by the wind, and babies may scream 22 hours a day. Routine jobs are seldom held, oil changes are usually forgotten and chicken nuggets may be on the dinner table tonight.
But the floor is vacuumed and most likely Febreeze'd. Scentsey candles fragrance the air because Linda, two doors down, just had a party. The kitchen is swept and mopped, the laundry is folded, and the dishes done.
Makes you wonder what the important "balls" are.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Howling
My husband is NOT deployed. So I really have no right to complain. Training is a part of the military, and he does his duty by going to wherever they tell him to go and doing what needs to be done. It's all good.
But it's awfully hard for me to not complain when the training has nothing to do with his job and I have a howling 18 month old.
HOWLING.
18 month old lungs are a hell of a lot louder than a 3 month old set. That's what I've decided. I think she's trying to be sick and that's just gonna top this week off.
Unfortunately I've been pretty freaking unproductive with work this week and that just makes me feel bad. Sigh. No new names or faces but that's ok... the rest of the week'll get better.
That'll be my mantra... The rest of the week has to be better.
But it's awfully hard for me to not complain when the training has nothing to do with his job and I have a howling 18 month old.
HOWLING.
18 month old lungs are a hell of a lot louder than a 3 month old set. That's what I've decided. I think she's trying to be sick and that's just gonna top this week off.
Unfortunately I've been pretty freaking unproductive with work this week and that just makes me feel bad. Sigh. No new names or faces but that's ok... the rest of the week'll get better.
That'll be my mantra... The rest of the week has to be better.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Cocoa Puffs
I usually love August no matter where I am. Last August we moved to where we are now and enjoyed the last weeks of summer...if you could call it the summer.
I love the anticipation that August brings. Kids going back to school, waiting for the leafs to change, Halloween decorations starting to grace the stores. September in Washington bothers me..but August I'm ok with.
Jer left this morning for training...He'll be gone about 3 weeks and that's ok. It sucks for the obvious reasons but I'll deal. The baby will hopefully deal as well. This is the first time since his deployment that he's left her for more than 24 hours..although, the baby and I frequently travel to see family so I think she's used to not seeing him for a week or more at a time. Nevertheless, this is the longest period of time they'll go without each other since he returned last year. It'll be interesting to see what happens.
We've started to discuss where I should live while he's in AIT again next year. We have about 5 months to figure it out which seems like a lot, but really isn't. I could just stay here...during the wet season of Washington with my will-be 2 year old. I have some friends, although most'll be moving in the next couple months but I'd live. Make new friends. I could move myself down to Arizona for a couple months... try to find a house that'll take me, my child, my two cats and large dog for 4 months. "It's only discrimination if you actually say what you're thinking" is coming to mind. Or I could see if my parents or Jer's parents want company for a few months... Save my BAH. That'd be close to $5,000 saved just in rent money...that's a lot. But I'd have to figure out where to put all of us and such.
Anyway...it's being discussed, and we're open to suggestions if anyone has anything useful to suggest.
Business is going better than expected, so I'm happy with that.
I guess the major thing right now is Jer being gone for the next few weeks. It means I get the tv all night, which is nice. And all the Cocoa Puffs. Yep. Adam's coming to visit which is good.. but will set the neighbor's gossip chain on fire I'm sure... Who's that strange man who's staying with her while her husband's away? I'm sure I'll be getting a call from Jer's commander. Lol.
I love the anticipation that August brings. Kids going back to school, waiting for the leafs to change, Halloween decorations starting to grace the stores. September in Washington bothers me..but August I'm ok with.
Jer left this morning for training...He'll be gone about 3 weeks and that's ok. It sucks for the obvious reasons but I'll deal. The baby will hopefully deal as well. This is the first time since his deployment that he's left her for more than 24 hours..although, the baby and I frequently travel to see family so I think she's used to not seeing him for a week or more at a time. Nevertheless, this is the longest period of time they'll go without each other since he returned last year. It'll be interesting to see what happens.
We've started to discuss where I should live while he's in AIT again next year. We have about 5 months to figure it out which seems like a lot, but really isn't. I could just stay here...during the wet season of Washington with my will-be 2 year old. I have some friends, although most'll be moving in the next couple months but I'd live. Make new friends. I could move myself down to Arizona for a couple months... try to find a house that'll take me, my child, my two cats and large dog for 4 months. "It's only discrimination if you actually say what you're thinking" is coming to mind. Or I could see if my parents or Jer's parents want company for a few months... Save my BAH. That'd be close to $5,000 saved just in rent money...that's a lot. But I'd have to figure out where to put all of us and such.
Anyway...it's being discussed, and we're open to suggestions if anyone has anything useful to suggest.
Business is going better than expected, so I'm happy with that.
I guess the major thing right now is Jer being gone for the next few weeks. It means I get the tv all night, which is nice. And all the Cocoa Puffs. Yep. Adam's coming to visit which is good.. but will set the neighbor's gossip chain on fire I'm sure... Who's that strange man who's staying with her while her husband's away? I'm sure I'll be getting a call from Jer's commander. Lol.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Leafy Green Vegetables
Did I lose my courage once I got married or once we joined the military or once we had a baby?
..I would hate to think it was any of those things.
I know it isn't marriage that changed my view on a lot of things. I am one of the very few people I know who can say that I have a completely supportive husband and that we're absolutely happy together. Have I changed since we've been together? Absolutely. But if anything, my relationship with Jer lifts me up and makes me a better person.
Having a baby? ...well, that puts a lot of things into perspective, and again makes me a better person. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty good mom, but I've only been doing this for about 18 months so I have the rest of my life to decide exactly where I've screwed up. It's maybe made me more cautious about things like making sure we're more financially responsible then we once were or keeping leafy green vegetables in the house.
The military... Bah. Is probably the culprit of my pseudo-insanity. Things can change in an instant in my life so I try to be prepared as much as possible. And I'm really not against change so I think I do ok. But I think in the last few years I've let it dictate our lives to a point... which is also probably something you sign up for when you enlist. It's also another reason I keep leafy green vegetables in my house all of a sudden.
I decided to start Mary Kay, not because I'm oh so into their cosmetics.. although I love lots of their skin care products and adore the eyeliner.. BUT, lol, I started it because of the company. Because it's really an inspirational company and I think I needed something a little inspirational. I like doing things.. any thing, that keeps me busier then I am right now.. But I love being a stay-at-home mom. And even though I was apprehensive about starting this, it's been less then a week and I'm already having fun. FUN. I wasn't expecting that. And I'm already making more money then I thought I would. And that's fun too.
This is not an advertisement for Mary Kay, this is just all my feelings about what I'm doing right now. I've put makeup on 6 out of 7 days in the last week. My nails are pretty. I've talked to neighbors who I've never really talked to before, my husbands coworkers, family, and friends...which makes me about 200% more social than usual. I've met a whole roomful of women who support me and my business and are dedicated to helping me when I need it.
How many times have you walked into a room full of women and not been glared at by at least one of them? Can you even imagine being automatically supported by 10 women you've never met?
I have to thank Sarah for asking the one question that really made me do this and that was, "Why are you scared?"
She hit it on that one, without really knowing she did. And while inside of me, there was a little twinge of hurt...it wasn't in any way her fault. It's been my fault for letting myself go on cruise control for the last year.. We've been trying to avoid bumps and wreckage and now I'd rather take the steps to overcome the bumps and wreckage instead of avoiding them.
And I think that may be healthier for me right now.
So today has been a good day, and I'd like to thank every one that has been supportive of my decisions the last year or so and I hope that I've been as supportive to everyone else.
..I would hate to think it was any of those things.
I know it isn't marriage that changed my view on a lot of things. I am one of the very few people I know who can say that I have a completely supportive husband and that we're absolutely happy together. Have I changed since we've been together? Absolutely. But if anything, my relationship with Jer lifts me up and makes me a better person.
Having a baby? ...well, that puts a lot of things into perspective, and again makes me a better person. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty good mom, but I've only been doing this for about 18 months so I have the rest of my life to decide exactly where I've screwed up. It's maybe made me more cautious about things like making sure we're more financially responsible then we once were or keeping leafy green vegetables in the house.
The military... Bah. Is probably the culprit of my pseudo-insanity. Things can change in an instant in my life so I try to be prepared as much as possible. And I'm really not against change so I think I do ok. But I think in the last few years I've let it dictate our lives to a point... which is also probably something you sign up for when you enlist. It's also another reason I keep leafy green vegetables in my house all of a sudden.
I decided to start Mary Kay, not because I'm oh so into their cosmetics.. although I love lots of their skin care products and adore the eyeliner.. BUT, lol, I started it because of the company. Because it's really an inspirational company and I think I needed something a little inspirational. I like doing things.. any thing, that keeps me busier then I am right now.. But I love being a stay-at-home mom. And even though I was apprehensive about starting this, it's been less then a week and I'm already having fun. FUN. I wasn't expecting that. And I'm already making more money then I thought I would. And that's fun too.
This is not an advertisement for Mary Kay, this is just all my feelings about what I'm doing right now. I've put makeup on 6 out of 7 days in the last week. My nails are pretty. I've talked to neighbors who I've never really talked to before, my husbands coworkers, family, and friends...which makes me about 200% more social than usual. I've met a whole roomful of women who support me and my business and are dedicated to helping me when I need it.
How many times have you walked into a room full of women and not been glared at by at least one of them? Can you even imagine being automatically supported by 10 women you've never met?
I have to thank Sarah for asking the one question that really made me do this and that was, "Why are you scared?"
She hit it on that one, without really knowing she did. And while inside of me, there was a little twinge of hurt...it wasn't in any way her fault. It's been my fault for letting myself go on cruise control for the last year.. We've been trying to avoid bumps and wreckage and now I'd rather take the steps to overcome the bumps and wreckage instead of avoiding them.
And I think that may be healthier for me right now.
So today has been a good day, and I'd like to thank every one that has been supportive of my decisions the last year or so and I hope that I've been as supportive to everyone else.
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