Everything I write usually comes out of me in a one or two week time period every month. Obviously most women are more emotional/hormonal one or two weeks out of the month and I'm no different then them... But I've only now realized the timing behind all of this.
Today, I'm frustrated. I wasn't. We had a really good weekend, one of those weekends that you'll probably remember forever even though nothing really eventful actually occurred...it was just a really great weekend in the sun...which means away from the house. And we all needed it.
I can't really dwell on what's happening a thousand miles away from me. Of course, I care. But it's not my life, and we have lots of things going on here.
I got a job... One that I think I'll be really happy with and that'll be lucrative enough. I received my starter-packet and my first customers this weekend so I'm getting all set up, I only wish I had a little more cash to invest in some really neat start-up things...but I know I can make things work without it too.
All of my friends and family, wherever you are: If you are interested, or just really need to make some extra cash, let me know. You might think selling things like Mary Kay is beneath you...until you hear all the benefits. Even though I am a thousand miles away from most of you, I'm more then happy to call or email or send you information that could be life changing for some of you. And I know how much even an extra couple hundred dollars a month can help.
Jer heads to Texas sometime in August for training... Ick.
This year seems to be flying by.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Opportunity.
Change is a good, necessary thing. I'm a firm believer of that.
A lot of civilians make fun of the fact that a lot of military spouses work from home. Often times we sell things whether it be beauty products, candles, incense, crafts, artwork, sex toys or health products.
I have sold things in the past... Not since I've been a military spouse, but on and off since I was 16 I've worked from home or out of my home depending on the time. I'm quite good at selling things, there have been many other friends of mine who try to get me to sell stuff for them. But I haven't succumbed yet.
Not because I care what those civilians think... But because for awhile I just didn't want to sell anything. I didn't want to start ANYTHING new.
The government tells military spouses that they've teamed up with oh so many companies and businesses that want to hire us because they'll now receive bonuses from the government if they hire us. Well.. that may be true.. But I have a fairly impressive resume, I have really unbelievably good references and a fair amount of education...but I cannot guarantee I'll be here for another year. Or 6 months.. Or really, any amount of time at all. So when I go into an interview and they say, "Wow, look at all your customer service and sales experience, that's really good!.. How long has your husband been stationed here and when will you guys be leaving?" I could lie.. but I don't. So I sort of screw myself.
Is that discrimination? Of course. Do you think that matters... not so much.
Why would any company want to hire someone like that. Regardless of whatever they're saying about being "military" friendly... that really means they're a lot more friendly to "used-to-be in the military, that's why I have so many jobs listed on my resume, but we're done with it now" K, thanks.
So I think I'm gonna start the at home business stuff again. Make however much money I want, not have to pay a babysitter all the time, and be able to leave it without guilt, at any time I need to.
And for all the civilians that think it's funny how many military spouses work their asses off from home... I think you should quit your 50 hour a week jobs and try to make as much as you made then working from home.. While your spouse is deployed, your kids are sick and your car's breaking down. And then laugh.
A lot of civilians make fun of the fact that a lot of military spouses work from home. Often times we sell things whether it be beauty products, candles, incense, crafts, artwork, sex toys or health products.
I have sold things in the past... Not since I've been a military spouse, but on and off since I was 16 I've worked from home or out of my home depending on the time. I'm quite good at selling things, there have been many other friends of mine who try to get me to sell stuff for them. But I haven't succumbed yet.
Not because I care what those civilians think... But because for awhile I just didn't want to sell anything. I didn't want to start ANYTHING new.
The government tells military spouses that they've teamed up with oh so many companies and businesses that want to hire us because they'll now receive bonuses from the government if they hire us. Well.. that may be true.. But I have a fairly impressive resume, I have really unbelievably good references and a fair amount of education...but I cannot guarantee I'll be here for another year. Or 6 months.. Or really, any amount of time at all. So when I go into an interview and they say, "Wow, look at all your customer service and sales experience, that's really good!.. How long has your husband been stationed here and when will you guys be leaving?" I could lie.. but I don't. So I sort of screw myself.
Is that discrimination? Of course. Do you think that matters... not so much.
Why would any company want to hire someone like that. Regardless of whatever they're saying about being "military" friendly... that really means they're a lot more friendly to "used-to-be in the military, that's why I have so many jobs listed on my resume, but we're done with it now" K, thanks.
So I think I'm gonna start the at home business stuff again. Make however much money I want, not have to pay a babysitter all the time, and be able to leave it without guilt, at any time I need to.
And for all the civilians that think it's funny how many military spouses work their asses off from home... I think you should quit your 50 hour a week jobs and try to make as much as you made then working from home.. While your spouse is deployed, your kids are sick and your car's breaking down. And then laugh.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Baby Bumps
Are everywhere this season.
It's one of the strange, strange things that you see living on or near a military base...there are pregnant women everywhere and in good weather they are soaking up the sun.
...of course this is our first day of sun in about 3 days...but who's counting?
There are times when I can ignore fertility completely... Yes, we'll have more kids some day. Yes, we were planning on already trying for it until the military decided that the husband should be somewhere else and that I can not go with him. So... I try to turn that yearning off. And it works for a few months until I'm surrounded by baby bumps and newborns being strolled through the park and lots of family and friends being cutely preggo. ...and even more friends trying to be preggo.
It makes me mad. Mostly. I should not be letting the military dictate when we'll have children. But at the same time, I would really like my husband around for at least part of a pregnancy the next time around.
And then my adorable little girl will start shrieking at the dog and I think... why would I want to do this again? I should trade them all in for cats.
It's one of the strange, strange things that you see living on or near a military base...there are pregnant women everywhere and in good weather they are soaking up the sun.
...of course this is our first day of sun in about 3 days...but who's counting?
There are times when I can ignore fertility completely... Yes, we'll have more kids some day. Yes, we were planning on already trying for it until the military decided that the husband should be somewhere else and that I can not go with him. So... I try to turn that yearning off. And it works for a few months until I'm surrounded by baby bumps and newborns being strolled through the park and lots of family and friends being cutely preggo. ...and even more friends trying to be preggo.
It makes me mad. Mostly. I should not be letting the military dictate when we'll have children. But at the same time, I would really like my husband around for at least part of a pregnancy the next time around.
And then my adorable little girl will start shrieking at the dog and I think... why would I want to do this again? I should trade them all in for cats.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Balloon-Esque
Are some things just unforgivable? Some people just unforgivable?
I'm already apprehensive writing about this so I dunno how far this'll go.
Have you ever had a best friend? ...Some of you already know what I'm feeling. What I'm thinking. Do you remember how it feels to be understood, completely, by someone else?
And then it all goes to hell.
It's been 4 years since the husband and I "officially" got married. Our marriage license was procured on this day in Colorado since we were doing a destination wedding in a different country the next month. I had to work today 4 years ago, but before work we went to the Clerk and Recording office with our families and my best friend and got married. Our license is witnessed by his brother and my friend.
In that first year, a lot of things changed. A lot of growing up happened, really unbelievably fast. My whole lifestyle changed.
One friend told me that before the husband, I was like a balloon on a string being blown by the wind, all over the place...maybe trying to find my place. And the husband became my rock that settles the string, so my thoughts and voice and ideas can still fly all over the place, but part of me is steadier than ever. ...When that friend described this phenomenon (with lots of hand gestures) we laughed until my eyes teared up, but now...I see the truth in it.
What seems like a million years ago, I pretty much did whatever I wanted. I would see something or feel something and I'd act on it pretty much immediately. I'd go after things if I wanted them, really attack them. If I felt bad about something or just had a weird feeling, then I'd back off. Some of these things turned out to be good things in my life, and some of those experiences turned out to be fairly horrible. But right by my side was Jen. And she was very... balloon-esque with me. Years and years of friendship and some very serious shared experiences made our whole relationship with each other...an experience in itself.
She was more sociable than I. Definitely. She enjoyed people, while I am more amused by people. She really liked to experience different social groups, being in the middle of different groups, being the ringleader of fun. And I really liked to stand right by her and watch. It was amazing and probably still is, how people react to her. But there were some days that she wouldn't want to be around six thousand people, when she was happier in her house with her dog, hanging out with her then boyfriend, and just listening to music. Or sitting in a room by herself, singing. Just like half my time I want to be out looking at things, doing things and the other half of time I just want to lay on the husband or sit at my desk and write. We were both very manic in the fact that when we wanted people around, we wanted them around now and we could procure a party within about 20 minutes.. but when we wanted to be alone, we wanted to be alone right at that moment. And we had (have?) tempers to match each other, though very different things would strike our fuses.
In the months before the husband left for Basic Training, her then fiance lost his grandmother. A woman who had been a really amazing woman to everyone that knew her...and I know that loss changed something in Jen and Chad's relationship...it made them a lot closer, made him..I think, finally really depend on Jen and I again, I can only think, that it really sealed and cemented them together in a way they hadn't come together before. I was dealing with the whole...entering-the-military phase of our lives, and busy disagreeing between several sets of friends about lifestyles. I really hate that. I'm a big supporter of letting people do whatever they want as long as they're safe... and really, really hate having to defend one friend against the other. And that's what it was coming to.
I gave up. And I lost Jen maybe because of that. Unrepeatable things were said by so many people and it went on for weeks even after Jen and I had stopped talking. And many of my other friends were seriously thrilled when Jen and I stopped talking... Because the way they saw it, was that she was a volatile presence in my life. Her lifestyle no longer matched mine. Rumors flew around, just absolute bullshit about what I was saying or she was saying or what someone 100 miles away from us was saying.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
That was more than three years ago.
I know she's married, I know that a lot of her family is doing fairly well. I think that she's happy. I hope that she's happy.
And maybe that's the difference now. I hope that she's happy. The first year that we didn't talk, I was still mad. Because I didn't think I had done anything wrong, and part of me was still thinking that whatever anger we had would eventually blow over. ...It's not like this was the first time we had stopped talking. But it's certainly gone on the longest now. And I did do things wrong, I thought that I was supporting her, that we were supporting each other like friends should. But things were changing, and the way we "supported" each other should've changed too. The 2nd year we didn't talk, I was pregnant. And so wrapped up in that while the husband was deployed. ...The 3rd year.. I didn't miss her so much. I've had my husband back from his deployment, we have our child and our families, our own life... and I know Jen very much so has her own life too.
But I had a dream about her the other night, and when I woke up I thought, "God, I hope she's good." Not just ok, but really good. Occasionally I'll still get a feeling in my gut, a "something's wrong" feeling, and I'll think about her.. We used to be that close, that some how--viscerally we would know when something was wrong with the other. Maybe a drop of her blood still runs in me. So sometimes I'll think.. I hope she's ok.
If she reads this, and word might get around to her that I've written this because we do have a lot of mutual friends.. I don't know what she'll think. Before, I'd know what she would think, what she'd do, what she'd say. In this case, I can see it going a couple ways.. Either she'll see this as a sort of plea for her to contact me.. which in her eyes, might be pathetic on my part. Or it'll just make her think back to the good times, and the bad times. And just think.
Maybe this is pathetic on my part. At this point in my life, I'm not looking for a reunion with long-lost friends...I'm just wondering, with everything that's happened in the last few years, with how much I've changed...and I'm sure she's changed a lot too.. I wonder if we'd even know each other anymore.
And I miss having someone really know me as well as she did. I have really great friends still, friends that love the husband and I and our child, ones that I can turn to if I need anything, ones who'll listen to me when I need to be listened to, or just leave me be when I need to be alone...but it's just not the same.
If I were to talk to her again, or see her again.. I'd probably think about how thankful I was for the years where she pushed me to be more sociable, the times that she helped me get out of bad relationships or how she pushed me into the best relationship of my life.. I have my husband because she helped to give me the courage to hold onto him.
I'd want her to meet Auralia, hear Auralia's laugh. I'd want to just sit, maybe smoke a cigarette, drink a chai and just bask in knowing that we are who we are. And we've always both been so proud of who we are. But somehow we lost sight of being proud of each other. ...And I just can't decide whether that's forgivable.
I'm already apprehensive writing about this so I dunno how far this'll go.
Have you ever had a best friend? ...Some of you already know what I'm feeling. What I'm thinking. Do you remember how it feels to be understood, completely, by someone else?
And then it all goes to hell.
It's been 4 years since the husband and I "officially" got married. Our marriage license was procured on this day in Colorado since we were doing a destination wedding in a different country the next month. I had to work today 4 years ago, but before work we went to the Clerk and Recording office with our families and my best friend and got married. Our license is witnessed by his brother and my friend.
In that first year, a lot of things changed. A lot of growing up happened, really unbelievably fast. My whole lifestyle changed.
One friend told me that before the husband, I was like a balloon on a string being blown by the wind, all over the place...maybe trying to find my place. And the husband became my rock that settles the string, so my thoughts and voice and ideas can still fly all over the place, but part of me is steadier than ever. ...When that friend described this phenomenon (with lots of hand gestures) we laughed until my eyes teared up, but now...I see the truth in it.
What seems like a million years ago, I pretty much did whatever I wanted. I would see something or feel something and I'd act on it pretty much immediately. I'd go after things if I wanted them, really attack them. If I felt bad about something or just had a weird feeling, then I'd back off. Some of these things turned out to be good things in my life, and some of those experiences turned out to be fairly horrible. But right by my side was Jen. And she was very... balloon-esque with me. Years and years of friendship and some very serious shared experiences made our whole relationship with each other...an experience in itself.
She was more sociable than I. Definitely. She enjoyed people, while I am more amused by people. She really liked to experience different social groups, being in the middle of different groups, being the ringleader of fun. And I really liked to stand right by her and watch. It was amazing and probably still is, how people react to her. But there were some days that she wouldn't want to be around six thousand people, when she was happier in her house with her dog, hanging out with her then boyfriend, and just listening to music. Or sitting in a room by herself, singing. Just like half my time I want to be out looking at things, doing things and the other half of time I just want to lay on the husband or sit at my desk and write. We were both very manic in the fact that when we wanted people around, we wanted them around now and we could procure a party within about 20 minutes.. but when we wanted to be alone, we wanted to be alone right at that moment. And we had (have?) tempers to match each other, though very different things would strike our fuses.
In the months before the husband left for Basic Training, her then fiance lost his grandmother. A woman who had been a really amazing woman to everyone that knew her...and I know that loss changed something in Jen and Chad's relationship...it made them a lot closer, made him..I think, finally really depend on Jen and I again, I can only think, that it really sealed and cemented them together in a way they hadn't come together before. I was dealing with the whole...entering-the-military phase of our lives, and busy disagreeing between several sets of friends about lifestyles. I really hate that. I'm a big supporter of letting people do whatever they want as long as they're safe... and really, really hate having to defend one friend against the other. And that's what it was coming to.
I gave up. And I lost Jen maybe because of that. Unrepeatable things were said by so many people and it went on for weeks even after Jen and I had stopped talking. And many of my other friends were seriously thrilled when Jen and I stopped talking... Because the way they saw it, was that she was a volatile presence in my life. Her lifestyle no longer matched mine. Rumors flew around, just absolute bullshit about what I was saying or she was saying or what someone 100 miles away from us was saying.
Blah. Blah. Blah.
That was more than three years ago.
I know she's married, I know that a lot of her family is doing fairly well. I think that she's happy. I hope that she's happy.
And maybe that's the difference now. I hope that she's happy. The first year that we didn't talk, I was still mad. Because I didn't think I had done anything wrong, and part of me was still thinking that whatever anger we had would eventually blow over. ...It's not like this was the first time we had stopped talking. But it's certainly gone on the longest now. And I did do things wrong, I thought that I was supporting her, that we were supporting each other like friends should. But things were changing, and the way we "supported" each other should've changed too. The 2nd year we didn't talk, I was pregnant. And so wrapped up in that while the husband was deployed. ...The 3rd year.. I didn't miss her so much. I've had my husband back from his deployment, we have our child and our families, our own life... and I know Jen very much so has her own life too.
But I had a dream about her the other night, and when I woke up I thought, "God, I hope she's good." Not just ok, but really good. Occasionally I'll still get a feeling in my gut, a "something's wrong" feeling, and I'll think about her.. We used to be that close, that some how--viscerally we would know when something was wrong with the other. Maybe a drop of her blood still runs in me. So sometimes I'll think.. I hope she's ok.
If she reads this, and word might get around to her that I've written this because we do have a lot of mutual friends.. I don't know what she'll think. Before, I'd know what she would think, what she'd do, what she'd say. In this case, I can see it going a couple ways.. Either she'll see this as a sort of plea for her to contact me.. which in her eyes, might be pathetic on my part. Or it'll just make her think back to the good times, and the bad times. And just think.
Maybe this is pathetic on my part. At this point in my life, I'm not looking for a reunion with long-lost friends...I'm just wondering, with everything that's happened in the last few years, with how much I've changed...and I'm sure she's changed a lot too.. I wonder if we'd even know each other anymore.
And I miss having someone really know me as well as she did. I have really great friends still, friends that love the husband and I and our child, ones that I can turn to if I need anything, ones who'll listen to me when I need to be listened to, or just leave me be when I need to be alone...but it's just not the same.
If I were to talk to her again, or see her again.. I'd probably think about how thankful I was for the years where she pushed me to be more sociable, the times that she helped me get out of bad relationships or how she pushed me into the best relationship of my life.. I have my husband because she helped to give me the courage to hold onto him.
I'd want her to meet Auralia, hear Auralia's laugh. I'd want to just sit, maybe smoke a cigarette, drink a chai and just bask in knowing that we are who we are. And we've always both been so proud of who we are. But somehow we lost sight of being proud of each other. ...And I just can't decide whether that's forgivable.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Sniff. Aaahhhh. Ooooh!
Smell is the strongest of senses. Most of us know that’s true but rarely think about it. A scent can trigger memories, good or bad, sweet or foul.
My baby has learned to sniff.
Sniff… “Ahhhh!”
Sniff…"Ooooh!”
…I think (can’t be sure, since I’ve never done this before) that this is a normal phase for babies her age.
A day or two ago, I was instantly transformed back into a 5 year old little girl, with long pigtails and scabbed knees, just because I smelled a scent. A very unexpected scent.
Last February, my maternal Grandfather gave my husband a very nice watch. My Grandpa is one of the most charming, best dressed, personable guys out there, and he’s spent the past 60 or so years collecting stuff. My grandparents’ house is full of collectibles, art and jewelry, watches and magnets from all over the world. Our family has a rich geographical history so there are things from EVERYWHERE around the world and pictures of people from all around the world that we’re somehow related to. It’s amazing.
Anyway, this watch is not that fancy. It is a very nice, fairly expensive men’s watch though and my husband shares my Grandpa’s love of watches so it was a very nice, very unexpected gift.
So, a couple days ago my child’s walking around with the watch… Have I mentioned how much she loves watches also? It’s ridiculous. So she’s walking around with the watch, sniffing it.
Sniff…”Ahhh!”
Sniff…"Oooh!”
Then she lifts it up to me and I lean down for the obligatory sniff and...and…wait. This watch smells unbelievably good. What?
Yep.
And I was whisked back in time to holidays and long weekends at the house my grandparents use to own. With my Grandpa being teased about how long he would spend getting ready for church or to take us all out to the zoo or to the movies. He'd spend a good hour in the bathroom singing songs like "That's Amore"...although he's not even a little bit Italian…while lathering himself with his smelly lotions and potions and colognes...and when the bathroom door would open, fragrant steam would come rolling out and he'd stand there in his flip flops, a towel slung around his hips, grinning. He'd get dressed in soft slacks and sweater, or a suit with a bright tie and unbelievably shiny shoes and we'd go off to wherever we were exploring that day. "Get in the car." He'd growl. "Get in the car."
I wouldn’t say I’m unbelievably close to any of my grandparents…But I’m moderately close to my maternal grandparents and until now have always lived close enough to them to easily visit. It’s strange to look back at childhood memories and realize that all the memories of my Grandpa, big and small, are good ones.
The watch smells like him. Like the scented steam that would come pouring out of the bathroom after his showers. And it makes me want to curl up in that scent, like the little girl that I was, getting ready to go on a big adventure with my Grandpa.
So…now the baby is no longer allowed to play with the watch. So if anyone else reading this would like to donate a watch, any sort of watch, to my child… Feel free.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
B!t(H B!t(H B!t(H
Most of the blogs and articles I read are written by women or men married to someone in the military or those who've lost someone who was in the military. Most of these blogs are written by people who've probably got a decade or more better than me, although there are 2 heartbreaking widow-blogs that I follow and both of those writers are actually a few years younger than I.
There are other things I follow of course. I'll read blogs about/from fiction authors that I love, I keep up with the news and parenting articles, childhood development stuff, job-interest stuff and of course the magazine/website for military spouses in this area. I read. I read constantly.
There are a few people who've asked me for years now how I write. That's a loaded question. Mostly I sit in front of a computer, or in front of a spiral notebook with a pen that I love and I just let it out. It's my venting. It's my bitching. It's what makes me feel normal...or sometimes not so normal depending on the day. It's just there. Every day. Or almost every day.
Writers block exists. But generally if you change the subject the block goes away. Taking a break from what I'm working on and just switching the subject seems to do it for me.
I didn't write while Jer was deployed. Before, while he was in training, I did write. I wrote for school and I'd journal, and I wrote to him at least once a day...often with several different colors of ink just to break up the tedium of training for him. But while he was deployed, I only wrote to him. I still read all my blogs that I follow, and lots and lots of pregnancy-related books of course, but I didn't write any blogs or in any journals.
Because I didn't need to bitch.
Of course there were those days that everything went to hell, or someone had made a snarky comment to me that rubbed me the wrong way... And most of the time I'd sit down and email him and cry a little, take new pictures of my ever-growing preggo belly and it'd be ok. There were very, very few times in that year of loneliness that I really bitched. Mostly because when you're sitting in your very pretty house, growing pleasantly plump off of cold cereal and delicious baby-shower cake, in the middle of Colorado, surrounded by family in all directions and your hubby's across the world, sitting (sweltering) in a tent, in a war zone, surrounded by smelly guys (no offense), with no AC, having rockets being launched at him at all hours of the day...which are long hours when he's the only one there with his MOS... you don't have much to bitch about.
Well..now he's home, and I probably haven't stopped bitching for the last year, to him or in my blog...Yep, it's been a year of dwell time. Because now, he's with me. Now it's safe for me to say that he hogs the bed covers, can't seem to EVER dress the baby in an outfit that matches, leaves computer parts laying all over my house, and he forgets. Just forgets. Things.. randomly. Lol.
Every so often he gets to be "abroad" while I wait at home. And so it's my right, now that I have him back, to take comfort in the things that I get to bitch about.
There are other things I follow of course. I'll read blogs about/from fiction authors that I love, I keep up with the news and parenting articles, childhood development stuff, job-interest stuff and of course the magazine/website for military spouses in this area. I read. I read constantly.
There are a few people who've asked me for years now how I write. That's a loaded question. Mostly I sit in front of a computer, or in front of a spiral notebook with a pen that I love and I just let it out. It's my venting. It's my bitching. It's what makes me feel normal...or sometimes not so normal depending on the day. It's just there. Every day. Or almost every day.
Writers block exists. But generally if you change the subject the block goes away. Taking a break from what I'm working on and just switching the subject seems to do it for me.
I didn't write while Jer was deployed. Before, while he was in training, I did write. I wrote for school and I'd journal, and I wrote to him at least once a day...often with several different colors of ink just to break up the tedium of training for him. But while he was deployed, I only wrote to him. I still read all my blogs that I follow, and lots and lots of pregnancy-related books of course, but I didn't write any blogs or in any journals.
Because I didn't need to bitch.
Of course there were those days that everything went to hell, or someone had made a snarky comment to me that rubbed me the wrong way... And most of the time I'd sit down and email him and cry a little, take new pictures of my ever-growing preggo belly and it'd be ok. There were very, very few times in that year of loneliness that I really bitched. Mostly because when you're sitting in your very pretty house, growing pleasantly plump off of cold cereal and delicious baby-shower cake, in the middle of Colorado, surrounded by family in all directions and your hubby's across the world, sitting (sweltering) in a tent, in a war zone, surrounded by smelly guys (no offense), with no AC, having rockets being launched at him at all hours of the day...which are long hours when he's the only one there with his MOS... you don't have much to bitch about.
Well..now he's home, and I probably haven't stopped bitching for the last year, to him or in my blog...Yep, it's been a year of dwell time. Because now, he's with me. Now it's safe for me to say that he hogs the bed covers, can't seem to EVER dress the baby in an outfit that matches, leaves computer parts laying all over my house, and he forgets. Just forgets. Things.. randomly. Lol.
Every so often he gets to be "abroad" while I wait at home. And so it's my right, now that I have him back, to take comfort in the things that I get to bitch about.
Not a "What if" Blog
This is not a "What If" post.. like a lot of my thoughts, and therefore blogs, tend to be.
But it's going to sound like a "what if" post.
The question was raised this morning.. "What if I decided to stay in the Army for 15 or 20 years?"
Well.. I guess it's a possibility. A very slight one. Since it's been 3 years and we've been SHAFTED by the whole system over and over again. But, let's say he went to a new AIT next year, and decided he LOVED his new MOS, and we got really lucky and loved our next post (still don't know where that's gonna be..) and he decided that he wanted to make a career out of this. Well.. I'd be ok with that. Mostly.
We do get burned a lot by the military. A lot. But there are so many benefits to it as well. And because I'm fairly neurotic about what will happen after we're no longer part of the military community, if he decided all of a sudden that he loved his job with the military, I'd be ok with him staying in.
I deal with deployments really well so far, it's the garrison life that I hate. But that's probably just because of this garrison life. Not garrison life in general.
I like knowing I can take my baby to the doctor whenever I need to, or knowing that my husband's medical is taken care of. I like having a house, and although living on post isn't EXACTLY what people want you to believe, especially in this neighborhood, I have a house. And it has a yard for my dog to play in and be safe and if something breaks (as long as it isn't my fault) the military'll fix it.
I'm trying to be more thankful for everything I have lately. That's pretty hard for me...because, let's face it. We're broke. Not broke broke like some of my friends, but broke enough that I can't even think about buying another car right now and I'm struggling to pay for school books. We have our house, our bills are paid and money goes into savings. But.."Extra luxuries" in my house means I spent $1 on shampoo instead of 70 cents. And it's those little cuts around the house, that means I can buy strawberries or kiwi for my baby instead of just apples and bananas. Even if it means I'll have frizzy hair.. but really, in this humidity I'm gonna have frizzy hair no matter what.. It means that she can have a new toy or board book once a month and that Tuck can get a new ball and I'll have the husband paint my toenails instead of going to get a pedicure.. it's bonding time, lol.
So.. I'm sort of off my point, if I had one in the first place. If he said, "I wanna stay in the military." I'd say, "Ok. Get your ass to OCS or WOCS." ...If we're staying in forever then I think we deserve to get paid better...
I don't actually think any of this is going to happen.. but I needed a little time to think about it and this is the best way to do it.
On a happier note, the sun is out. Lots. And this is a very good thing.
But it's going to sound like a "what if" post.
The question was raised this morning.. "What if I decided to stay in the Army for 15 or 20 years?"
Well.. I guess it's a possibility. A very slight one. Since it's been 3 years and we've been SHAFTED by the whole system over and over again. But, let's say he went to a new AIT next year, and decided he LOVED his new MOS, and we got really lucky and loved our next post (still don't know where that's gonna be..) and he decided that he wanted to make a career out of this. Well.. I'd be ok with that. Mostly.
We do get burned a lot by the military. A lot. But there are so many benefits to it as well. And because I'm fairly neurotic about what will happen after we're no longer part of the military community, if he decided all of a sudden that he loved his job with the military, I'd be ok with him staying in.
I deal with deployments really well so far, it's the garrison life that I hate. But that's probably just because of this garrison life. Not garrison life in general.
I like knowing I can take my baby to the doctor whenever I need to, or knowing that my husband's medical is taken care of. I like having a house, and although living on post isn't EXACTLY what people want you to believe, especially in this neighborhood, I have a house. And it has a yard for my dog to play in and be safe and if something breaks (as long as it isn't my fault) the military'll fix it.
I'm trying to be more thankful for everything I have lately. That's pretty hard for me...because, let's face it. We're broke. Not broke broke like some of my friends, but broke enough that I can't even think about buying another car right now and I'm struggling to pay for school books. We have our house, our bills are paid and money goes into savings. But.."Extra luxuries" in my house means I spent $1 on shampoo instead of 70 cents. And it's those little cuts around the house, that means I can buy strawberries or kiwi for my baby instead of just apples and bananas. Even if it means I'll have frizzy hair.. but really, in this humidity I'm gonna have frizzy hair no matter what.. It means that she can have a new toy or board book once a month and that Tuck can get a new ball and I'll have the husband paint my toenails instead of going to get a pedicure.. it's bonding time, lol.
So.. I'm sort of off my point, if I had one in the first place. If he said, "I wanna stay in the military." I'd say, "Ok. Get your ass to OCS or WOCS." ...If we're staying in forever then I think we deserve to get paid better...
I don't actually think any of this is going to happen.. but I needed a little time to think about it and this is the best way to do it.
On a happier note, the sun is out. Lots. And this is a very good thing.
Friday, July 1, 2011
There are people avoiding me.
Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. That's how my thoughts are with all this school stuff. Yes, I can finish my degree in the next few months. As long as the school decides that I should get my 2010-11 financial aid and I take out a small loan for books. Not so bad. Except that this school seems to be pretty indecisive about my 2010-11 financial aid since they've been contemplating it for MONTHS now and still no answer.. And I think they're avoiding me. ..and really, if I was them, I'd probably avoid me too... I think most everybody in this state avoids me.
Have I told you about the library nazis?
..Well, that's another story.
Anyway.. I'm sooooo impatient when I've made up my mind about something. And if I work at something and work at something for weeks and then it doesn't work out.. Then I think, ok, maybe I'll give it a rest. Maybe there's a reason why I'm supposed to wait to finish my degree, maybe my purpose right now is to do something else and that's why the financial aid office is avoiding me. I believe in higher powers for the most part, so, maybe there are bigger plans formulating that I'm just unaware of right now. Except that, I like MY plan. So I wish that financial aid would just give me my freaking money or at least tell me that they're not going to give me the money so I can just pay for all of this myself.
The end.
Have I told you about the library nazis?
..Well, that's another story.
Anyway.. I'm sooooo impatient when I've made up my mind about something. And if I work at something and work at something for weeks and then it doesn't work out.. Then I think, ok, maybe I'll give it a rest. Maybe there's a reason why I'm supposed to wait to finish my degree, maybe my purpose right now is to do something else and that's why the financial aid office is avoiding me. I believe in higher powers for the most part, so, maybe there are bigger plans formulating that I'm just unaware of right now. Except that, I like MY plan. So I wish that financial aid would just give me my freaking money or at least tell me that they're not going to give me the money so I can just pay for all of this myself.
The end.
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