I think as parents, a lot of times we forget to enjoy our children and what a shame that is. We get them needing us and then wanting us for just a few years, where they actually want to be around us, want our attention, where they actively look for our pride. I'm trying to enjoy it.
The last time I visited my parents and my in-laws, I watched my mom with my daughter, watched them enjoy each other... it was amazing. Watched my in-laws and the rest of my family look at her and show her off with pride and joy and none of the annoyance or stress-lines between the eyebrows that I know I get after a long afternoon with my baby. True, they don't spend 24 hours a day with her, or even 12 hours a day with her so they can enjoy everything about her, even the tears and tantrums that inevitably happens after missing a nap or two. And watching them enjoy her, makes me wonder if I'm enjoying her as much as I should be.
Since moving away from my family, I think I got caught up in the stress of it all. The moving across country, unpacking, learning a new city, a new state, a new post...thank God I didn't have to learn a new country and new language. But not only did I have to unpack and explore a new state, my husband and I had to reacquaint after not living with each other for so long. Redeployment can be hell on some marriages, just as deployment is hell on marriages, and thankfully my marriage has not gone through any of the horrors that many do while readjusting.. but still, it's a readjustment. Hubby is not only readjusting to living with me, but living with a baby for the first time. A baby that seems to appreciate me a lot more then she appreciates him.. not because he's not an amazing, thoughtful daddy but just because she doesn't know him.
Anyway, I got caught up in all of that. Tension/stress headaches plagued me the first weeks I was here... I also blame the new climate, but, it was no fun. Baby's do not like stressed out mama's, and husband's do not like cranky mama's or cranky baby's. After going back to my native Colorado and getting to witness the connection between my baby and all of her family there... I feel better. Less stressed, more...peaceful, I guess would be the word. Peaceful with the changes happening in my life, with my relationships, with the baby.
I look forward to the days where the baby is happy, smiling, laughing, giving sloppy, open-mouthed kisses out freely, but I also understand that she is a person. She will have bad days.. add teething, massive brain development, and rainy days stuck inside, well.. she will have bad days. Lol. But I need to remember that one hour of her being grumpy does not make a bad day, especially when once she's eaten a little and taken a little nap, she'll be looking for sloppy kisses again.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Dirty Laundry
I have no problem listening and/or debating with people about delicate topics such as religion or politics. I tend to avoid using strong words, insults, or sarcasm and instead use a lot of "hmmms" and nonsense jokes to deflate tense conversation. Being a military spouse means that inevitably there are a lot of strong opinions about military procedure and politics in general that I get to endure... there are a lot of people ashamed of what they do or why they do what they do... there are people proud of what they do and/or how they do it. There are true stories that are covered up by the military, for the military, because in the end... our government is a selfish one. Just like we are a selfish people. I applaud those men and women who serve their country for patriotism... even when I don't understand it.
The first time I visited my current post, there was a shooting at the PX... That news didn't even make the local newspapers or news channel. That shocked me.
There are probably people in Iraq or Afghanistan that go missing, that are killed by training exercises or just get run over by a bus... and sometimes our government decides to say that no one is missing, no one has been taken, and there's no way that some one could be killed by our own stupidity in a foreign and dangerous country. Because we ARE the best so there is no room for mistakes..and blah blah blah. Well.. it's up to the people who hear these stories whether to believe them or not. There is injustice, there are lies and cover-ups just like there has been lies and cover-ups in every military, in every war, since the ancient wars between Sumer and Elam (2700 BC).
Why bring it up? Unless your intention is to seriously anger the American people to create a mutiny against our current government so the new government will do something radical like behead all the current enlisted soldiers as well as commanders because they were trying to mislead civilians. Smart people already know what's going on... if stupid people don't, then they should get smarter by their own accord.. We shouldn't have to wave our dirty laundry out for them to see.
The first time I visited my current post, there was a shooting at the PX... That news didn't even make the local newspapers or news channel. That shocked me.
There are probably people in Iraq or Afghanistan that go missing, that are killed by training exercises or just get run over by a bus... and sometimes our government decides to say that no one is missing, no one has been taken, and there's no way that some one could be killed by our own stupidity in a foreign and dangerous country. Because we ARE the best so there is no room for mistakes..and blah blah blah. Well.. it's up to the people who hear these stories whether to believe them or not. There is injustice, there are lies and cover-ups just like there has been lies and cover-ups in every military, in every war, since the ancient wars between Sumer and Elam (2700 BC).
Why bring it up? Unless your intention is to seriously anger the American people to create a mutiny against our current government so the new government will do something radical like behead all the current enlisted soldiers as well as commanders because they were trying to mislead civilians. Smart people already know what's going on... if stupid people don't, then they should get smarter by their own accord.. We shouldn't have to wave our dirty laundry out for them to see.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Writing Again
It's been more than 7 months since I've sat down with my thoughts and a keyboard and tried to let everything flow out... so this blog might be a little redundant and a little boring.
We just PCS'd to Washington state, and wow... living on post is completely different then I thought it would be. There are less friendly people, more larger then life people, and a lot more screaming children then I thought there would be. When I thought about living on a post (finally) after 2 years of living off post and away from my husband, I thought there would be more a sense of community, and of understanding. Perhaps you have to jump through hoops that the fellow milspouses put up to become part of this community. Maybe it's just this housing community. Or perhaps I'm not trying hard enough yet to find my niche here.
My baby turned 7 months old a few days ago. She's a constant amazement to me. My personality with her dad's looks... oh man.
Being away from home... meaning my old home where my family and friends live... hasn't been as hard as I think they wanted it to be. I do miss them, I miss driving somewhere and not getting lost, I miss having some one to babysit if I need an hour to just breathe. But I wanted to be away from them and from the things I knew there. I needed to be with my husband again after a year long training stint and then him going straight to Iraq, leaving me 9 weeks pregnant and dazed. I don't think anyone except for him ever knew how hard that was for me. I don't think I ever let any one try to understand.
Perhaps that's the pride of a military spouse. Taking pride in their suffering and their strength. Conveniently brushing off all those friends and family members who wish they could help you. I think we're very good at closing ourselves in, or at least our true feelings in and only projecting small bits of our joy or pain or whatever, just because we relish in the fact that the majority of people (meaning civilians) wouldn't be able to handle the lives that we live. Not true? I dunno..
We just PCS'd to Washington state, and wow... living on post is completely different then I thought it would be. There are less friendly people, more larger then life people, and a lot more screaming children then I thought there would be. When I thought about living on a post (finally) after 2 years of living off post and away from my husband, I thought there would be more a sense of community, and of understanding. Perhaps you have to jump through hoops that the fellow milspouses put up to become part of this community. Maybe it's just this housing community. Or perhaps I'm not trying hard enough yet to find my niche here.
My baby turned 7 months old a few days ago. She's a constant amazement to me. My personality with her dad's looks... oh man.
Being away from home... meaning my old home where my family and friends live... hasn't been as hard as I think they wanted it to be. I do miss them, I miss driving somewhere and not getting lost, I miss having some one to babysit if I need an hour to just breathe. But I wanted to be away from them and from the things I knew there. I needed to be with my husband again after a year long training stint and then him going straight to Iraq, leaving me 9 weeks pregnant and dazed. I don't think anyone except for him ever knew how hard that was for me. I don't think I ever let any one try to understand.
Perhaps that's the pride of a military spouse. Taking pride in their suffering and their strength. Conveniently brushing off all those friends and family members who wish they could help you. I think we're very good at closing ourselves in, or at least our true feelings in and only projecting small bits of our joy or pain or whatever, just because we relish in the fact that the majority of people (meaning civilians) wouldn't be able to handle the lives that we live. Not true? I dunno..
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