No More Doom?

I wake up early..mostly so I can do stuff before the child wakes up. When I say "do stuff" I mean...play on the internet in peace. Lol. The dog and the cats get fed, sometimes I start a load of laundry but mostly I sit in my office and peruse the going-ons in the world. You know...Facebook, Pinterest, Mary Kay Intouch, catch up on the blogs that I read, check my email, maybe do some bill paying, occasionally check out the news.

A lot of people I know look for their wisdom of the day in daily Bible readings or other spirtual readings, or self-help books.. And there are many good ones out there. But for me.. I like to read how my fellow bloggers are handling things. Life. Their daily stresses and triumphs. A lot of the blogs I read are fellow military spouses, and some are really wonderful. I like knowing that it's not only our military experience that has been a little rocky.

One blog I read... the spouse has 6 kids under the age of 7. And they like it. But she stresses, and recently blogged about how she hasn't been living life to the fullest. And how a car accident with her husband and a semi involved, nearly changed her whole existance.

I've blogged about it before, and am pretty sure I'll blog about it again... But, why is it, that we get SOOOO caught up in the bullshit that we forget to enjoy ANYTHING? ..People say that we forget to appreciate or enjoy the little things, but I think most of us get so caught up that we don't appreciate ANYTHING.

The past few months have been really hard on me. Duh. They've probably been hard on anyone reading my blogs or just dealing with me in general. I've felt like...I'm crumbling. My resolve, my strength, any iota of optimism I once possessed seemed to have left me...and I wasn't big on optimism in the first place.

Shit happens. And this has been a really shitty couple of months.

And then a couple days ago, I said.. "I took on too much."

....And this is not something that I usually admit. Because usually...it doesn't matter if its all too much. It all gets done, and done pretty well.

But this time.. I really took on too much.

And saying that.. some how relieves me.

Obviously it doesn't relieve me from the things I still have to do.. lol.  But I feel a little bit more free. A little lighter inside.

....Plus I worked my ASS off this weekend getting a crap load of school work done. So I'm feeling a little more caught up on all that..which is a relief.

My neurologist appointment is today, and that still freaks me out a little bit. Except that since my massage, there has been no sharp pain...only pressure. And my neck has popped twice, unexpectedly...in a good way. My parents are on vacation, which means I have 2 large dogs running around my house eating each other... But it makes them happy and as long as they don't wake the child earlier than she usually wakes up, I'm ok it. ..Except I stumbled over 3 dog toys on the way to bed last night.. Why do we buy them toys when they just chew on each other?

I have really great babysitters who love the child and have been more than willing to give me the much needed time for homework the last couple weeks. There are people here who love us and have been unbelievably supportive. I still haven't socialized much since I've been back..and for the friends that I haven't seen--well, school's over in a month. We'll talk then.

No. I still don't know what's going on with the Husband V. New Assignment. But...(and this is a strange feeling) I think maybe it'll happen this week.

I don't feel like everything is doomed at this point. Maybe my strength is re-entering my soul. Maybe I'm accepting. Maybe it just takes me weeks to do so.

...I still feel like I need a vacation though. 

I Love.

I love looking at my dog. He's very handsome. And he has blonde eyelashes and soft ears.

I love my daughter's dimples and curls.

I love feeling strong AND flexible.

I love when someone else does the dishes.

I love...gravy.

I love to see the back fence steam.

I love seeing Raja sleep.

I love baking and/or cooking success.

I love blogs.

I love when the husband cooks eggs.. When he's gone I very rarely eat eggs. 

I love paint.

I love seeing my child giggle with her cousin.

I love my ability to see through the old or dirty and to picture what things will look like cleaned and polished up.

I love carbs.

I love when the husband surprises me with Pringles. Or Junior Mints. Or Hot Cheetos.

I love old houses, and hardwood floors.

I love water, and beaches, and salty wind.

I love hot, strong coffee in the mornings. But I LOVE iced chai all day, and hot chai before bed.

I love preggo friends. And acquaintances. ..some strangers.

I love when the child wakes up happy, ready to show off new skills she must've dreamed of.

I love seeing my parents happy.

I love thinking. Thoughts that are progressive.

I love writing, love seeing my scenes, scenarios, thoughts...even frustrations, out of me.

I love candles. And aromatherapy.

I love being recognized for my talents.

I love merging my thoughts and dreams with the husbands thoughts and dreams...and seeing what happens.

I love peach tea.

I love my GPS.

I love tattoos. Especially mine. But there are very few exceptions to tattoos that I don't love.

I love seeing my friends and their talents shine.

I love having pretty toes.

...I love when the child has pretty toes.

I love my bed. Really, a lot.

I love my blue jewelry. It's everything that is me.

I love when the child 'meows'.

I love books. Seeing them, reading them, writing them. All books.

I love hope.

Everything is always about hope.