Current Info

Pain is a part of life. As is stress. And anger. Frustration. Our bodies take the toll.

When my body starts to get mad at me, that just causes more anxiety on my part. And fear.

A couple weeks ago my PCM referred me to a neurologist to get checked out for neuralgia. The internet-junky that I am, spent a hour then researching neuralgia which thouroughly freaked me out. Enough that I thought to myself... It's just stress. I cancelled the appointment, moved into my new house and I sit here, awaiting the husband's new orders to find out what's going on in my life.

And yet..the shooting pains running up the base of my skull have come back. Causing untold anxiety.

So more research was needed. And I reinstated my appointment with the neurologist.

Stress related occipital neuralgia exists.

And yes.. I also have a massage scheduled for this week.

So.. Life is very strange right now.

Illiterate

I haven't read a whole book in over 6 weeks.

I have started school, I take my first math test of the semester tonight. My head already hurts. ...But that could be from dealing with a whole lot of not so much fun stuff the last 48 hours.

I signed my lease today, and it looks like I'll be moving in some time around the 15th.. A couple rooms need painted before I move my stuff in, so a day or 2 of painting and cleaning will happen before the actual moving happens.

We're throwing Auralia a mini birthday party this Saturday.. mostly because we don't actually know if Jer'll get here for it. Part of the stupid craziness of the last 48 hours.. so to everyone who wasn't invited..don't feel bad, and don't get mad at me. ..It'd be a pointless anger, as I wouldn't give crap at this point.

The last 7 days have just been some of those days.. where everything seems to be against us. Makes you rethink everything. Life is supposed to be as hard as you make it, we're supposed to accept the things we can't change...but how many times are we supposed to try to change before the acceptance comes?

I was stupid. So completely stupid to think that being here would make it all easier. ..It will probably get easier in a few weeks, once we get back on track. But there has been nothing easy about any of this so far.

I should be grateful. Grateful and accepting. And blah blah blah blah. 


I'm grateful that I've had a place to live the last few weeks. I'm grateful that we're close to good doctors as my child has been picking up every single germ possible the last few weeks. I'm grateful to ibuprofen. ..Mostly grateful that I've gotten to see some friends the last week that I haven't seen in a really long time, and really grateful that I get to see more over the weekend and next week.Grateful that our taxes are filed..not so happy that our return didn't get here on time to help pay my deposit...but still, grateful that I will be getting it in the next couple days.

I want the next two years to be done. I want my degree finished. This year. Eventually I'd like to listen to the news, or read news articles without worrying if anybody I know is hurt or dead. Or going to be stampeded by angry communists.

I can accept that this is what we signed up for. This is the choice we made. I can accept that I have to work really hard to finish my degree this year, but that it's really possible to have my bachelor's by Christmas. I can accept that the last 6 weeks have just been life, and life comes with eventual death. I can accept that some people around me are just miserable, and they don't see any light.

I'm grateful for the light here.

There are parts of the last few days that I can't accept, but that I have to tolerate.. because it's his job and he works with people who don't know what they're doing. Or just hate us.

I try to think they don't do this to us on purpose.. really. Although, we are screwed quite often.

I'm grateful for any 15 minutes that I can have alone. Or 5. Or even 2.