For Better or Worse

I'm really horrible at letting him make his own decisions. Really, a lot. Most of the decisions that we make or that need to be made in the last few years are some major things that really effect both of us though. I get pushy, a little self-centered, and can be just plain mean if the occasion warrants. Everything that we've been discussing the last few weeks really impacts the rest of our lives, so I'm trying to look at it from all angles.

But, I've talked myself into the decision that he wants. Because it's what he wants. And the outcome can't be any worse then when we first joined the military. We won't be losing anything that we have, he'll gain some more experience, have time to finish his degree, and since 6 months of next year will be spent in Arizona, I'll get a tan. We're not getting any of the bonuses that I'd like to have... but we're getting everything that's really important to him.. Well, my tan is probably not oh so important to him...but the rest is.

We wanted to have another baby next year. I don't know if I want to have a baby in Arizona while he's in AIT. No paternity leave from training...but I absolutely know that I have people who will offer to come stay with me for a week or two until I've recovered from another c-section. And we'll be closer to our family and some friends during those 6 months.

For some reason I feel like I'm moving further away though.

Maybe because we're leaving it all up to chance again. I don't know where we'll go after he finishes AIT (again). We'll be waiting and waiting and waiting for orders, again. Then he'll get to a new post and I'll be waiting to see if he'll deploy right away, again. But I know we'll have a little less then 2 years in the military after his next AIT, I know we'll be getting out after that.

I know I'll be fitting in a trip to Colorado some time in the next month or 2 maybe, that I'll be going to Hawaii in September, back to Colorado for the holidays and will move to Arizona next February. I know this gives me the opportunity to take some classes at the school here, and for Jer to take some classes here as well. It gives him the opportunity to get his next promotion (he goes to the board in 3 weeks!!!)

...I know that nothing's really changing. But it feels like it is, and that it's huge.